|Reverend Graham Jones' Recurrent Cross Holy Hour
||[Mar. 12th, 2010|10:36 pm]
Christian TV is a fact of life. Any person who has channel-surfed has come across the conservative, middle-aged man with salt-and-pepper hair and an obnoxiously well-fitting suit, pacing, sweating and speaking the Truth in an accelerated framerate through a microphone. There is one particular show, that causes the finger to hover for just a moment longer before changing the channel for the seven-hundredth time. Perhaps it's the bright-white suit. Or the swept-back mane of silver hair. Or the gravity of presence that some men seem to have, every motion an establishment of silky-sweet dominance that really, no one would be silly enough to refuse what he's saying, how could he possibly be wrong?
"Friends... I come to you today, to dispel your confusion, and shed the light of Truth on this new and harrowing world we now have been shown to live in. I witnessed on the news no more than a month ago, just as you did, that the monsters that lurk in the shadows and the demons that reside in the fiery corridors of Hell are real. Physical. Man cannot deny his eyes, and we've all seen the evidence of our new... companions on his plane.
"But now we as good Christians are told... that we should not fear them. That they are not dangerous. And that there have been organizations long enlisting the aid of these creatures to protect us! But tell me, brothers and sisters... if human beings need so much to be protected, then who is to believe that they are ALL anything but dangerous?
"At best, their mindset has to be alien to ours, to the point where our lives and our common comfort and salvation is not a concern to them! They could just as easily curse us, kill us or rip our souls out without realizing what they've done! At worst... theirs could be the deliberate machinations of tyranny under a very clever guise of helping-the-humans! Just speaking to them could be a one-way ticket down into the lake of fire and glass! The very spokesman for this... Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense, is seven feet tall and BRIGHT RED! I stand before you with one singular, desperate plea: do not associate with these freakish creatures! Leave them be! Do not suffer them!
"Now, I'm afraid I must leave y'all for a little while. I will be gone for a month, bringing the word of the Lord to the corners of Europe. Theirs are the souls most at risk in this time of new temptation and turmoil, because theirs is the history most soiled, with the unfortunate lingering stains of pagan worship. And so I feel I need to provide some extra attention, to keep the true path to 'em! For when the good lord comes into his rightful place to rule over the nations of the WORLD, only the souls that have dedicated themselves to him entirely will be given eternal life! Such devotion can only come from listening to the worlds that I preach unto you now!
But if you remember nothing I have said to you, remember this, friends... there are no pixies in the City of God!"
The signoff chimes in "That was the good Reverend Graham Jones, on his Recurrent Cross Holy Hour. If you'd like a DVD of this sermon, please call the number on your screen or go to www.grahamjones.com. God bless, and have a good night."